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Do you remember when George Foreman made his latest comeback? How about Michael Jordan, or Roger Clemens? Some people just don’t know when it’s time to hang up the old jockstrap, and this movie, Key To Sex, is exactly what I’m talking about. Pornstars like Randy Spears who should have retired long ago, or be behind the camera instead of in front…starlets who have lost their shine and belong in milf and mature movies instead of trying to be glossed up for feature films nowadays.

So as everyone knows the idea of porn with a storyline already gives it one strike, add to this the vanilla fashion-sex for another strike, and it’s not looking good for Key To Sex. Sure the chicks looked semi-hot, but that only reminds me of Keira Knightley’s quote to People magazine, “Sure I look hot…they airbrush the fuck out of me” and this whole movie has a very glossed over airbrushy feel to it.

Key To Sex’s one redeeming quality was the slightly above average budget obviously invested into it’s production values.

So Key To Sex gets one cock-up (even though it didn’t really get my cock up) and my message to 30+ porn starlets is: If you weren’t a superstar in the 70’s or 80’s then you cannot make a comeback cos retro only works for icons and it’s time to move on and do milf. As to Randy Spears…give Mr Happy a rest, he’s becoming Mr Weary.